My prognosis is in…

Tags

cancer, postaday2016, therapy

We met my medical oncologist at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, Doctor Gainor, he was very pleasant, very nice, he spent a lot of time with us, explaining everything, he took the time to lay out the reasons for continued chemotherapy, that was my main concern. He took a deep breath and broke the news as well as anyone could given what the news turned out to be, the squamous cell carcinoma had decided to take a road trip into my blood stream, it is now systemic. So basically there isn’t a cure for my squamous cell carcinoma, I am going to have chemotherapy for as long as it takes to keep the cancer in check. I’m still in shock at the news, my mind hasn’t wrapped itself around the concept of having a long term relationship with chemo. I have to say Doctor Gainor was very sensitive to our emotions when he gently told us that my cancer was incurable and my chemotherapy was to be ongoing, intermittent with CT scans, monitoring the size of the tumors in my lungs plus keeping a lookout for any new tumors elsewhere.

Before my treatment starts, I have one more CT scan to establish another baseline and a MRI for my brain, I’ve been getting headaches, so they want to rule out any possibility of tumors in the brain, it is highly doubtful that I have any in my brain, they are just being extremely vigilant and diligent before we start my chemo cycles.

I’m in shock, it all feels surreal, but I feel positive, I flashed on something Gandolf said to Frodo in the “Lord of the Rings” 

“All that is for you to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you.” Those words inspired me and gave me comfort.

It’ll be fine.

Daily Prompt : On the edge

Tags

baking, cooking, Gardening, postaday2013, therapy, writing

We all have things as need to do to keep an even keel — blogging, exercising, reading, cooking. What’s yours?

I have written about finding and keeping that even keel. As a recovering anorexic, I have read A LOT on the subject and it is such a complex disease; linked very closely with depression, anxiety and the latest is that it has been linked in certain types of autistic expression. It really is fascinating and it gives me a lot of insight into myself and the triggers that led me to develop this often debilitating and insidious challenge.

Luckily for me, I have found many outlets that today give me the even keel that I have always needed and searched for; writing is such an anchor and stabilizing influence on my life. I look forward every day to share my thoughts with you, even when I have “nothing” to say. Putting thoughts on paper gets them out of my head and leaves my mind less cluttered, always a good thing, getting the excess whirling, churning noise out of your mind and finding calm.

The baking, the cooking and the gardening that I love doing, are equally important tools in my repertoire when it comes to keeping me happy and fulfilled. These activities may make me exhausted and nowadays I take care not to over do it, but they are so important to me. They serve as creative outlets and reflect another side of me that doesn’t come through in other ways.

I am so very lucky that I was given a second chance almost six years ago when I was in the hospital, to come back and find all of these ways to live my life in a better, more fulfilling way, a much more expressive way and a way that is full of promise and life.

Writing for writing sake’s

Tags

discipline, postaday2013, therapeutic, therapy, writing

Today I wrote several more scenes further sending Madeleine closer to her overseas adventure. My book is coming along, I try not to get too impatient with myself, I know that I am taking forever with writing this book, but that is fine, for now. I also enjoy writing on my political blog and this one that you are reading right now. I guess that makes for quite a bit of writing. I enjoy it so much, often times I find it easier to express myself with writing then speaking. I can’t believe how quickly I got invested in writing, it came about very fluidly. I didn’t realize that I would make wonderful friends through writing. It didn’t occur to me, but in a sense it should have because we are all united in the common bond of writing and needing to express ourselves. It’s a great club to be a part of, it’s all-inclusive and without prejudice.

I am curious as to where my writing will lead me. It could be nowhere or somewhere, either way it will be here for when my children ever get curious as to what made their Maman tick. It is also a way for me to have a legacy, I suppose. My ego demands it hee, hee.