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Daily prompt:Green-eyed monster

03 Saturday Aug 2013

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2013, Uncategorized

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Tags

jealousy, letters, postaday2012, writing

Write an anonymous letter to someone you’re jealous of.

I don’t think that I have been jealous of someone in a long time, if ever. Those who are prettier than I, smarter than I or richer than I, get my well wishes. I do not mean to come off as being superior in any way, that is really not my intention. I simply never wanted to be jealous, I never wanted to have something or achieve something at someone else’s expense. I always thought that it would diminish me and make me less somehow. I wanted anything that came my way, to have come organically from me. If I wasted my energy being jealous of others, I wouldn’t have much energy or time to do much for myself.

I had my share of teasing and bullying in elementary school and high school for everything from my looks to my book smarts, but instead of projecting any sadness or anger outwards, I internalized it and those feelings of anger and sadness had their focus on me and the things that were wrong with me.

All of this, after rereading what I had written is all about me and that’s okay.

A difficult state of mind

23 Saturday Mar 2013

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2013, Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

balance, discipline, emotions, negative, postaday2012, psychology, self esteem

I don’t what is up with me today. I woke up this morning with a fleeting memory of a bad dream connected with my teenage years involving angst and turmoil. I’m unclear what it was about but it hasn’t led to a good feeling about myself. My hubby and I have had quite a few laughs despite my inner sadness which won’t shake off.

As I was walking the dog, I kept feeling these strong cravings, the sort that involve doing what my best friend and I used to do in high school, go to the corner deli and buy all the potato chip flavors they had, bottles of soda, cupcakes, ring dings, brownies and ding dongs and just pig out. These cravings come and I fight them off because I know that the only thing that I will feel after giving in will be complete and utter disgust at myself. So after I talk myself down from these cravings and responsibly waiting them out, they always die away after a good night’s sleep, I feel better. But before that, it isn’t pleasant because I find myself wishing that I were back in control like I used to be in my anorexic days. I always squash that thought because that is just bad, bad, bad. I would never want to go back to those days. I told my ob/gyn the other day that I was too tired to be a true anorexic. It takes a lot of energy and discipline to do it well. I’m just too tired and I have learned that no matter how much weight you lose, I will never be satisfied. I know because I lived it. I wasn’t satisfied at 110 lbs, or at 105 lbs or at 95 lbs or a even 87 lbs, I still thought that just five more pounds and I would be at the perfect weight. At that time I didn’t realize that there was never to be a perfect weight, it was never skinny enough. That realization is one that I came to when I got back to living with recovery and that took about two decades. Knowing that I will not be satisfied at weights that are unsustainable helps me to not engage in dangerous behavior such as restricting caloric intake or going nuts with the exercise. But it does make me infinitely sad that I will never be happy with what I look like, that I look in the mirror and all that I see is a distorted image of someone, who apparently only resides in my mind, and no matter what others say to me, I never believe them.

The good news is that this mood usually only lasts a day, once I sleep, I will wake up to a better mood, all this sadness probably fueled by hormones (I like to blame my hormones) will be forgotten. I am not joking, this will be forgotten and optimism will be at the helm once more.

Our poor little Jack; the ham

17 Thursday Jan 2013

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2013, Uncategorized

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

dog sweaters, dogs, Jack Russell Terrier, pets, pictures, postaday2012, puppies

first time I had Jack in my arms in 2010

first time I had Jack in my arms in 2010

the baby girl and Jack at our house

the baby girl and Jack at our house

Rex meeting Jack

Rex meeting Jack

Jack showing off his piglet belly

Jack showing off his piglet belly

Jack looking morose

Jack looking morose

 

 

 

Jack still looking morose

Jack still looking morose

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Poor Jack , he really doesn’t appreciate the New England winters, especially this one, since this one is more to the norm than last year’s. We have had snow at least three times, I believe, and pretty frigid temperatures. What prompts me to say poor Jack is despite the fact that his winter coat and his sweaters provide him with a layer of warmth and a barrier against the wind, he still looks all morose whenever I put them on him. It deserves taking a picture simply to capture his forlorn expression on “film”. I have also noticed that in all of his pictures he has an over-sized head in comparison to the rest of him. His head looks like it could tip him over face first onto the ground. He is so cute though and he looks exactly like he did when we first brought him home just twice the size. The little piglet.

I promise you that WordPress is frustrating me with their new media and formatting procedures. I am keeping my patience and I am still learning but it is frustrating nevertheless, so I apologize if you are going to see pictures cutting into text or copies of pictures, this is a work in progress and I shall get there eventually.

Jack looking forlorn

Jack looking forlorn

Jack looking like he is about to tip over with his large head

Jack looking like he is about to tip over with his large head

3 countries I’d like to visit and why

31 Monday Dec 2012

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2011, postaday2012

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

December 2010, first post, postaday2011, postaday2012, writing

I am re-posting my very first post, December 31st 2010, on WordPress because this is the second anniversary of my blog and I thought that you would be interested to see how I started my blog. It was through the use of the Daily Prompt which inspired my answer; answering a simple question is a great way to get the writing flowing.

I had stumbled onto WordPress by sheer accident. I was reading something on the internet and I clicked on a link which got me to Black Water Dog’s blog and that got me to another blog written by Kolembo who is a brilliant poet and I said to myself “why not do this for myself?” So that is how I got here.

I know the 3 countries I’d like to visit and why, I just can’t give either of the 3 any priority due to the fact these would be imagined experiences based on photos, articles and preconceived notions.
The first country that comes to mind is Thailand. What first drew me to Thailand as a destination is the cuisine. When I was 13, My parent’s friend Elizabeth introduced us to the Thai restaurant called Jaiya located at 81st Street and Broadway in Elmhurst, Queens, New York. Elizabeth commandeered the menus and ordered for the table. I remember having beef satay with a peanut sauce that was unlike any experience that I had encountered with plain old peanut butter. The slight spicy bite blended perfectly with the sweet caramelized beef on those small skewers. I also had the crispy spring rolls that were so much more delicate than any egg roll that I had ever had before. The follow up was, if you can believe it, even better. To this day, I have yet to ever eat a crab preparation as delectable as Jaiya’s crab with special sauce. The crab is the east coast blue crab, broken into pieces and stewed in this sauce that I cannot dissect not explain how all the ingredients combine to make a sauce that makes you forget where you are, who you are with, all that you can focus on is sucking the crab, sucking your fingers, dipping the crab continuously into the sauce to suck some more. When you have finally exhausted the crab source, you finish the rest of the sauce with your rice. This introduction into the complexity and refinement of Thai cuisine piqued my curiosity into the country itself. Cuisine such as this must come from a wonderful land. I do know that Thailand is divided in terms of climate by north and south. The north is more temperate and mountainous whereas the south is dominated by the jungle. This diversity in climate is also reflected in differences in cuisine, the south being spicier than the north. Now I am not 100% sure if I am correct on the geography which is an excellent reason why I have Thailand on my list.
Portugal is another destination I would love to explore. The first thought that comes to mind is Porto, the beautiful city in Portugal which is home to this magnificent fortified wine that in France, we simply adore as an aperitif and conversely the English enjoy it as a dessert wine. I actually have to confess that this is principal the reason for my infatuation with Portugal. I do want to say that the exquisite dish called paella comes to my mind when I think of Portugal, but I am not sure if I’m getting the culinary origin of paella mixed up between Portugal or Spain. But, honestly, does it really matter? All that counts is that I would very much like to spend a good amount of time visiting Portugal thoroughly.

Lastly, Turkey is my final destination. It is also part of a huge regret in my past travels. My sister and I were back packing through Europe. We were in Rome with a trio of lovely Australian girls who introduced us to the nicest 3 Canadian guys, who were on their way to Corfu, Greece. After we parted ways with the girls, my sister and I met up the boys in Corfu. The group of us got along so well and we had a fantastic time. Upon leaving Corfu, the boys invited us to accompany them to Istanbul, Turkey. Part of me really wanted to go but my sister really, really wanted to get back home to France, which we ended up doing. I don’t regret doing what my sister wanted at the time but now I do regret that opportunity. I have read so much about Turkey; the architecture, the collective history of East and West, the religious sites, and of course the cuisine.

I enjoyed writing this, I gradually realized that the only thing that mattered was why I wanted to visit. That “epiphany” was a big deal for me since I tend to get hamstrung by my desire to please people. I hope that whoever reads this piece enjoys it.

Our last snowstorm for 2012, I think

30 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2012

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

cold, drifts, postaday2012, snowing, snowstorm, travel, windy, writing

It finally stopped snowing this morning and I estimate that we got at least 6 inches of snow but with the insane wind, the snowdrifts are quite high. I only took Jack for his walk once today because the cold and the wind made it practically unbearable. We did our mile loop and the wind was so bad that I started jogging back to the house with Jack and I never run; I had to stop because my knees started going so I dropped back down to my habitual brisk walk, but that wind was relentless, howling and jabbing my exposed skin with snow pins. I don’t think that Jack minded; he was miserable as well.

I took some pictures of our winter wonderland, I took them at 5:30 so it was dark but I am hoping that the lights twinkling in the windows and on the hedges will show up despite the darkness.

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2012 in review

30 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2012

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

blogs, postaday2012, WordPress, writing

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 13,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 3 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.

 

Home sweet home

29 Saturday Dec 2012

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2012

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Tags

exhaustion, Home, icy roads, postaday2012, snowstorms, travel

We are finally home and Jack is so happy to be home, he ran out in back and did all of his business and ran around the whole house once or twice and now he is curled up on my lower legs while I type this in the living room, sitting on the couch with a roaring fire that my hubby built for me. I have to say that my hubby was the champion today; he got us home safe and sound during another snowstorm. Can you imagine it? He drove us down during a snowstorm and treacherous roads and today he drove us back home with the roads getting more treacherous as we got closer to home. My hubby, my hero.

We are all tired. My hubby for all of his driving under horrible conditions, the babies, being the young adults that they are, seem to be always tired and I, who gets exhausted quickly just at home by myself taking care of Jack, I am exhausted because since we all descend on my mommy like a tornado and she gets tired easily. I make sure that I do as much as possible so that she doesn’t get tired at all by our stay. My mommy has a very set way of doing things which I am used to and I never mind doing things her way, it brings me back to my childhood and really nice memories. We also get the chance to talk about everything under the sun and I ask questions; all kinds of questions about my mommy’s childhood, what she might have grown up to be if she had made other choices, questions that I can ask as an adult. I treasure our talks together.

Back to the exhaustion, it is stressful to visit someone’s house who doesn’t have dogs and who is very used to having their house just so. My mommy knows Jack from coming up here and visiting with us and she of course thinks that he is extremely cute because he is. It’s another thing to have a dog in your house with nice area rugs and Jack is known for being sneaky when he doesn’t want to go outside. He will hide his business if he doesn’t want to go outside. So part of my mission and I chose to accept, it was to anticipate when little Jack had to go outside. So I was dragging his backside very often outside and speed walking him to Astoria Park because that is the only patch of greenery that met his standards. So in between helping with cooking, setting the table, clearing the table, bringing the dishes up and down the stairs, setting the house back to rights and walking Jack back and forth from my mommy’s house to the park. I’m beat.

I had a very nice time as did my hubby and the babies. Jack I’m not too sure.

Walking around New York City

28 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2012

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

fast pace, New York City, postaday2012, subway, travel, walking

This morning the hubby, my mommy, Jack and I got into the Subaru to go pick up the babies from my sister’s house. Last night right before my sister’s clan left; my niece and nephew both begged my babies to go over their house for a sleep over. Even though there is a fairly large age difference between my two and my sister’s two; my oldest was born in 1991 and my youngest 1994 whereas my niece was born in 2003 and my nephew born in 2007, a solid 40 years between us. They get along really well and I know that my two love how excited my niece and nephew get when they see them.

Afterwards we came back to my mommy’s house and left Jack in my old room with all of his toys, his bed, his special papers and his food. I promise you, when I was packing up for Jack for our trip to my mommy’s, I felt as if I was experiencing deja-vu from the time the babies were toddlers. We took the subway into the city. My mommy’s house by subway is only fifteen minutes away from 59th Street and Lexington Ave. That is the only thing that I miss about living in New York City; the freedom that the subway gives you to go large distances without being dependent on a car. We walked near Radio City Music Hall, we stopped at Rockefeller Center and walked along Madison Ave for a bit and headed East to Third Ave. My mommy left us to go to Citerella, a specialty food store and we were looking for somewhere special to eat. My hubby directed us to Grand Central Station which is a landmark in and of itself and within the terminal if the Oyster Bar & Restaurant. We had a nice late lunch there and afterwards I rushed home to release Jack from my room and give him a proper walk.

While I was walking back to the subway, I realized once again that I don’t really miss the city like my hubby does, I find it too hectic for the most part, but at the holiday’s, it is magical. The lights and the architectural aspects to so many of the light montages really takes the Christmas spectacle to another level. Fifth Ave with the ultra chic boutiques such as Cartier, Tiffany’s Henri Bendel, Harry WInston and leading down to Saks is resplendent during this time of year. The only negative is the hordes of shoppers still overwhelming the streets where you constantly experience pedestrian traffic jams, especially along Fifth Avenue. Aside from that, the city for a nice part revels in the Christmas pageantry and holiday spirit.

Once I got back to my mommy’s, Jack was more than ready for a proper walk. I took him ten blocks down to Astoria park where he gratefully sniffed around piles of leaves and huge swaths of grass. He was a relieved little baby Jack, poor lamb. He has been very well behaved these two days, only one small accident and it wasn’t on a rug, phew! However I am fairly sure that he will be ecstatic when he gets back to his house, his smells and the peace and quiet of Blandford.

I will be happy to be home as well, I love my mommy but now that I have my own home, I am happy to get back there. So Jack and I will be happy to get back to walking paths away from traffic.

Belated Christmas in New York

27 Thursday Dec 2012

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2012

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Christmas, family, festivities, food, pets, postaday2012, presents

We arrived at my mommy’s house to celebrate Christmas with her, my sister and her family. My niece and nephew are still of the age that Santa is more real than not and the world of toys is still their oyster. We left early this morning because not only were we coming to New York to celebrate but also to see that dear dentist of ours, so that he can finish the work he had started on my hubby and myself back in November. Late last night Massachusetts got hit by a Nor’easter and this morning the roads were fairly treacherous but my hubby is a very good driver and he got us here safe and sound.

Guess who came with us to New York? Jack did and he is all discombobulated. He doesn’t like to go when there isn’t large expanses of greenery to sniff at and sniff some more. I think that there are way too many cars and people for the poor dear. He is happy on my lap and under the dining room table where, while we were eating there was a guaranteed drizzle of morsels and crumbs coming from the table and onto the floor, perfect for a little snout to ferret out to lick up and swallow.

The kids both big and small were spoiled and the grownups were as well. We were equally spoiled by gifts and food. My mommy made a wonderful gratin of sea scallops with a sauce so good that you couldn’t help but eat two more pieces of bread just to sop the sauce up, it was that delicious. My baby boy who apparently doesn’t like scallops wiped his plate cleaned with his second piece of bread. The main course was an eye opener for me. My mommy asked me if I would pick up a pork roast and to try to get the butt, not the shoulder, the actual backside of the pig as a roast cut. I wasn’t aware of it, but what my mommy wanted was a fresh ham that according to some research I did, is the best cut for a spectacular roast pork and after eating the fantastic pork roast I can attest to that fact. I had never purchased a fresh ham before and on the ticket it said “fresh ham, rump part of the leg”. I got it yesterday and last night, I had cut slits into the meat, all over and at least twenty, to insert half cloves of garlic rubbed in salt and pepper and then I rubbed salt and paper all over it and wrapped it in aluminum foil and put it into the refrigerator until this morning when we left. My husband also brought the lobster bisque that he had made last night so that my mommy could taste his latest culinary creation.

My mommy served string beans and roasted potatoes and we ate like kings and queens. It was that good, we went through two large baguettes of French bread; that is when you know that a meal is fantastic, when the bread is almost all gone.

I am tired now so I am bidding everyone a good night and I’ll see you tomorrow.

Playing with data

26 Wednesday Dec 2012

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2012

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

IPad, learning, pictures, postaday2012, technology, thoughts, writing

I am still playing with and discovering the bells and whistles of my new toy. Yesterday I figured out how to upload a video that my baby girl had shot of Jack and our dinner, the lobster. Today I found out that my IPad automatically uploads the pictures that my hubby takes into my photo stream. I just need to figure out and play with the settings to make my posts more attractive. I think that what I am aiming to do is fiddle around with the ratio of space between text and photo, almost like what I used to see the art directors do to the catalog and the print advertising at Conran’s-Habitat all those years ago.

These photos that I am going to upload are all the photos from yesterday,Christmas Day and the day before, Christmas Eve; in between the food and Jack, the camera’s were busy these past two days.

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