Chemo treatment number 2

Tags

cancers, medication, postaday2016

  
I had to dig out my funky glasses from France, because I have snapped the plastic rims of all my reading glasses, the ones that come in packages of three at T.J Max, hanging in the aisle right next to the cashier, part of the impulse buy department each store uses as their secret weapon.

I am sitting in the infusion center at Cooley Dickinson watching t.v and talking to my husband, who in between conversations and shows, checks in with work through the magic of WiFi, we have about an hour and a half left, we had a wonderfully constructive conversation with Doctor Z, the pain management specialist, he gave me a more nuanced understanding of what I should be doing for myself in relation to what level of pain and anxiety should be acceptable. According to Doctor Z, I was operating under a misunderstood notion of what should be acceptable, pain is not acceptable nor is anxiety and he was here to give me permission to accept the idea that pain-free is the goal, anxiety free is the goal and suffering in silence in very, very contradictory to getting well.

   

 Having my husband with me during these conversations is vital because he  reminds me of the concerns and the questions I had just over the weekend, without him involved, my doctors wouldn’t get the full picture of what I deal with when they are not there. He serves a very important function, trust me, my husband is more than just a handsome face. 😀

My new full-time job

Tags

job, medication, postaday2016, treatment

When I was diagnosed, I barely remember the date, it has become so foggy what  with all of the appointments and the deluge of information, I never thought that keeping myself “comfortable” would become a full-time occupation. In between the pain medication, the anxiety medication, the keeping regular medication, making sure that I eat between 60 to 85 grams of protein a day and that I get an uninterrupted night’s sleep, it is a lot to manage. There are days when I feel overwhelmed, not because I am frightened, but because having my body be in constant communication with my brain is too much. It seems everything in my body is at odds with each other and with me and it is a lot to handle 24/7. If it seems that I am complaining, I apologize but I needed to vent, I write daily because it helps me cope, but there are many days when what I write doesn’t reflect my inner turmoil, it reflects how I want to see my day being, full of hope, optimism and happiness, but not what is really going on inside. Usually I don’t mind keeping everything inside, today I choose to write what I feel because it is what is best for me and my psyche; it does a person good to release the pain and the tension.