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Category Archives: postaday2012

Eat to live, live to eat

23 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2012

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

denial, eating, food, living, postaday2012, weight

Some people eat to live, while others live to eat. What about you? How far would you travel for the best meal of your life?

Humans don’t have a choice, we must eat to live which is why anyone with any type of eating disorder has the worst time dealing with their disorder; you cannot escape having to eat.

I can only address this question within the lens of my own experiences growing up in a culinary obsessed family and also recovering from my own eating disorder. Ever since I can remember, what we were going to eat at the next meal was always the question of the moment. It was a question that my mother asked after breakfast, after lunch and after dinner in order to plan sufficiently and well for the next meal no matter if it were for one, two or ten people, knowing what was coming next was always of vital importance. My mother wasn’t the only one, all of the cooks in my family always had that same question on their mind as soon as the last bite of their breakfast, lunch or dinner was had. I was conditioned to consider the whole meal as something that greatly mattered; it had to be healthy, nutritious, not too fattening, vegetables were incredibly important and everyone’s tastes needed to be accommodated. Staying at the table after everyone was finished and brainstorming over what was next to be prepared was a normal after eating conversation. I always enjoyed planning and searching for something new and exciting to prepare, something to challenge my culinary skills and something new to learn from, cooking is another way to visit the world and learn about different customs, practices and philosophies.

Part of this food conditioning served me well in my anorexic heyday. What I mean by serving me well is that I used some of these tools to become a very adroite anorexic which are two words that should never be used together. I used the word adriote because for a long enough while I was able to hide my disease, if I had been truly successful, I would have died. Subconsciously that is what the anorexic is looking for, the ultimate way to erase herself from the world. But the tools that were instrumental in controlling my eating was the detailed food planning, the research and the discipline that comes from any scholarly endeavor. The inconvenient truth of being human and requiring food to live was an annoyance and I was striving to find ways to eat as little as possible to live; so I was definitely not living to eat, I was barley hanging on. Nowadays, I still struggle with my body image not on the same level as when I was younger but it still gives me a challenge.

I am happy to say that I do live to eat even if I am not indulging, rather I am sustaining; but I love cooking and planning for others; what delicious morsels I can prepare for them that will make them happy. I have found that you can live to eat and maintain a good weight as long as you get equally excited about fruits, vegetables and whole grains as you do about protein and sweet things. I have also found that Michael Pollan had the best advice for anyone who loves to indulge in food such as cakes and french fries; as long as you make it from scratch and do all of the clean up yourself, have at it. The process of making things from scratch and cleaning up afterwards does put a limit on how many times a week you will eat desserts and fried foods.

So in the end I am getting to a better place with how I address food in general and my relationship with it. Being honest about my eating disorder has helped me greatly, it certainly helps the soul when you do away with the stigma of having a disorder. There is no need for shame, it’s a cross to bear but everyone has one. There doesn’t exist, in the entire world, a person who can honestly state that they are cross free. It isn’t human.

Visiting with friends during holiday season

22 Saturday Dec 2012

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2012

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Christmas, friendship, holidays, pets, postaday2012, visiting

Today my baby girl and I had some time to visit with my best friend Debbie, her hubby and her grand kids at her house. It was great to see her in person rather than over the phone and e-mail. We talk just as much, no holds barred, but in person it’s always infinitely more satisfying. She got her haircut, just as I did, and it looks fantastic on her. She complimented me on my haircut as well. What was funny is that we both decided to get rid of our longish hair because it was making us look old and our new haircuts have made us look a lot younger but we did it without knowing that the other was doing it as well.

Her grand kids have grown so much, they are still little; five, four and a year and four months old, all very cute but still a handful, so my Debbie is exhausted by the end of the week after babysitting all three of them. Even with the oldest in all day kindergarten, she still has the younger two to contend with, and did I mention that she also takes care of three dogs and a cat. Wait, I forgot something, oh yes, she also takes care of her mom and her hubby as well. I am exhausted just typing this part of what she does. When I pulled into her driveway, I told the baby girl that I hadn’t needed the GPS after all, I couldn’t have missed her house at all, it was the most decorated house on the block.

One of the things that I miss about not having her next to me is precisely that; her very special way of decorating her house into a Christmas winter wonderland. Now for the past two Christmases, my corner of the world is much darker. The new next door neighbors don’t put out all the stops like Debbie did, they try but it is very tame. The neighbors on the other side are pretty festive, but Debbie was famous in our town for her decorations.

I also miss just having her there. She was great to cook for; I would often make cauliflower gratin for the kids and I always made sure that I took over a bowl for her because she loved it so much. She never made it because her hubby wasn’t a vegetable man; he is a solid meat and potatoes guy, so I really liked to make her things that I knew she wasn’t going to make for herself. Whenever I made chicken pot pie, she got enough for her and her hubby. The same went for pies, cookies and cakes. I was often knocking on her door and entering with some kind of goodie for her to eat. Good times.

Part of the reason I loved cooking for her was obviously it made her happy but also because she did do so much. She is the hardest working person that I know, so I was happy to help lift a small load even if it was only a meal.

I miss having her next door.

Memories of pets gone by

21 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2012

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

dogs, friends, memories, pets, pictures, postaday2012

Hannah and Rex
Rex and Hannah and me

Rex
Marshall

Rex and Marshall
Rex playing with Gizmo

Marshall tolerating Gizmo
Rex taking care of Gizmo
Poor Jump and Gizmo

Me and Gizmo
Marshall and Gizmo
Rex

Jump and Gizmo
Jump our bunny and Gizmo Debbie’s puppy

Rex
Marshall our first dog who lived to 16

My best friend Debbie sent me these pictures and I wanted to share them with you. It’s very easy to get caught up in the holiday fervor and buying frenzy that we can sometimes forget to stop, take a breath and remember those who aren’t with us anymore. Gizmo is still with us, he’s about six years old now but he and my best friend moved away last year to another town an hour away and I miss them. I was so lucky to have them next door for over ten years that their going left a big hole in my daily life.

Marshall, Rex and Jump were extraordinary pets and we were blessed to have them for as long as we did. Jump the bunny lived to twelve and the pictures of Gizmo trying to have his way with poor Jump are the only times that we ever saw Jump actually jump. He was the most good-natured little bunny and the baby girl treated him like her very own toy bunny, sneaking him up into her room at night and sleeping with him. He was so very sweet. Marshall or grandpa as we liked to call him was a character. He was the patriarch of the group and he knew it. Rex adored him as did we all. Rex as you must know by now was almost human, he was so gentle and responsible. I miss them all.

Christmas cards coming in trickles

20 Thursday Dec 2012

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2012

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Christmas, Christmas cards, holidays, postaday2012, sending cards

I have another confession to make about Christmas. I dread getting Christmas cards from people not on my list. I try to do my Christmas cards early so that I don’t get overwhelmed with all the other things that are going on during the holiday season. This year I went through all the Christmas cards and when I received two Christmas cards from people not on my list, I was out of cards, which meant an extra visit to the store late in the season so the options were limited. The noise I made when I had gotten the mail wasn’t Ho, Ho, Ho, it was argh.

So today I mailed out an extra ten Christmas cards, added the new people to my Christmas mailing list because I know that I had said two but as of today, it had expanded to ten new cards. I was really glad that I had gotten two boxes of Christmas cards just in case. Hopefully, just between you and me, I won’t get any more new cards. I’d like to be done with card sending. I know, I’m being a Scrooge, shhh it’s our secret.

Christmas to do list getting shorter

19 Wednesday Dec 2012

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2012

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Christmas, lists, postaday2012, shopping

The list is getting shorter, hooray! The only thing about Christmas that brings the Scrooge out of me is shopping. I have never enjoyed shopping at all and the thought of hitting the stores with the hordes trying to figure out what to get for who, normally makes me shrivel internally. Yet today I had a very relaxing time of it. I went out early with a set number of stores and a specific set of gifts to buy in mind so I had purpose and that alone helped tremendously.

I am not divulging what I got because certain concerned parties read my blog and what is coming on Christmas day needs to be a secret until then, because what is more fun than being surprised on Christmas day? The shops everywhere were beautifully decorated and being at the stores so early made me feel as if they had opened the stores just for me. I was in and out so very quickly and the salespeople were so bright and cheery, still fresh from their morning coffee. I came away from my shopping experience with a smile on my face. Pleasant people, gifts acquired and I still had the whole day ahead of me, mission accomplished.

Parental pride

18 Tuesday Dec 2012

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2012

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

bragging, child, College, parent, postaday2012, pride

Before sitting down to write this post, I checked in with the baby girl to ask for permission  to brag about her grades from her very first semester at college. She said “brag away Maman, brag away”. I am so very proud of her and all of her hard work this semester. She did exceptionally well taking initiative on her own when it came to seeking help when she needed it and made sure to take advantage of all the tools and homework services that the college made available for the students. She didn’t get carried away with abrupt and often overwhelming feeling of complete “freedom” from the usual household rules. She behaved very responsibly and showed us a lot of maturity her first semester away from home.

What makes me especially happy is that she is proud of herself and now has concrete proof that there is nothing that she can’t accomplish if she puts her mind to it. She came into my room and announced that she had gotten an A+ in Psychology, an A in Art History, a B in English, an A in College Algaebra and an A in First Year Experience.

As a parent, one always worries about their child no matter what age they are; when your child passes a special threshold and does it with such success, the happiness that you feel over their hard work, their accomplishment and their increasing signs of independence is something that warms your heart and lifts your spirits.

Two days of freezing rain in Blandford

17 Monday Dec 2012

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2012

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

boots, cold, dreary, freezing rain, postaday2012, slippery, walking dogs

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This is what my world looks like today, an icy, winter wonderland. It has been like this since yesterday, non-stop freezing rain which makes walking a treacherous sport. Jack isn’t very happy with the state of the weather these past two days. I’m not thrilled either but what can you do? We have to go outside to do our business don’t we Jack? When I calmly explain it to him, the look on his face is priceless. I bet that he wishes that he can use indoor plumbing like the rest of us. I’m sure that many dog owners would be fine with that evolutionary tweak, enabling dogs to figure out how to sit on the toilet and flush afterwards. Can you imagine? Gone would be the 6:00 a.m wake up to walk the dog outside in the cold rain, snow or icy winds. No more 9:00 p.m call to walk the dog in the same freezing rain, snow or icy wind. Alas, the evolutionary tweak is only wishful thinking, it could never happen.

Until tomorrow, Jack and I will do our best to not fall in a heap while navigating the icy paths around Blandford. I am going to build a fire in the living room so that we can at least be cozy when we come back in.

What belongs?

17 Monday Dec 2012

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2012, Uncategorized

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

historical record, modern achievements, NASA, planet, postaday2012, space travel, technology

Imagine a new Voyager spacecraft is being built by NASA, and like its earlier counterparts, it’s going to carry the best of modern human culture inscribed onto a record. What belongs on there and why?

I wonder if they mean a vinyl record because that would indeed be ironic, inscribing all of our detailed modern achievements into a quasi relic from the past. Moreover, by modern; how modern do they mean? I suppose by modern it would have to be within the last forty years or so. By that standard, I would include the internet as a modern achievement for all of its downsides, it has broadened many people’s horizons by making a whole world of information accessible to them, if they were curious enough to read about it. I still don’t want to include the cell phone because I think that the negatives to instant access at all times to others definitely outweigh the positives.

I would include the advancements of wind and solar energy as evidence that we care about our environment and planet. I would include the research lab in Switzerland to show that we are forever curious about our past, present and future in the universe and we think outside ourselves every once and a while. All of the research made in marine biology and ocean habitats would be included as well, to show that we understand that what happens beneath and around us is of vital importance to the health of us all. Basically I would be mindful of showing that despite most indicators, we are trying to be good stewards of our one and only planet. I’m not sure if the evidence that I would be sending would be sufficient enough to argue the point in our favor but we can only hope.

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Homemade Christmas presents

16 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2012

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

caramels, Christmas, gift giving, homemade, postaday2012, presents, sea salt

I ended up making three batches of caramels au Fleur de sel or caramels with sea salt. Why? I’ll tell you; the first batch came out fine, or so I thought, the color was good and the candy thermometer registered around 148 but when I took them out of the refrigerator they weren’t the soft, creamy consistency I was looking for; they had gone to the hard ball stage, which meant I let them get one or two degree’s too hot. The baby girl tried them and let me know that they tasted excellent but since they were destined for my hubby’s Christmas office presents, this was not acceptable.

Back to the drawing board I went. We had to go out shopping to replenish my heavy cream and sugar reserves and we went into T.J. Maxx before getting the cream and sugar because there were five things that we wanted to pick up for Christmas presents. Do you think that we emerged from T.J Maxx with just five items? No, we didn’t, it’s hard to go through a T.J. Maxx without saying ” oh, this is nice, oh this would be a good stocking stuffer, oh my sister would like this” you say that often enough your shopping cart gets full quickly and before you know it, you are spending far more than you had intended. No matter, more Christmas shopping was taken care of today so that is less shopping that would have been done closer to Christmas.

When we got back home, I made two new batches and hooray! They both came out the right color; the light golden caramel color and the right creamy consistency. The baby girl had to do her duty and taste this latest batch and it passed her high standards. My hubby and I spent quite some time together wrapping the caramels in parchment paper after I had cut them up into bite sized pieces and sprinkled them with Himalayan sea salt as a garnish. It took some time because there were so many. I hope that they will be a hit with his colleagues and their wives.

I’ll give away the hard candy caramels as gifts for the holidays as well, to my friends because they are really good with that salty hint that gets your taste buds toward the end, when the candy melts in your mouth. They have had the soft, creamy caramels before, so I’m sure that they won’t mind a change of pace in the consistency, they are still caramely good.

How it should have ended

16 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by laurieanichols in postaday, postaday2012, Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

characters, endings, novels, postaday2012, re-writing, stories, writers

There was a story you once read (or saw, or heard) – and it didn’t end the way it should have ended. And that really annoyed you, right? So how *should* it have ended?

When I was in high school I didn’t appreciate the tragic romanticism of certain writers such as Tolstoy, Flaubert and Bronte. When I read Anna Karenina, I identified with the confusion and the desire for the seemingly unobtainable and forbidden passions, after all I was a teenage girl, if it is unobtainable and forbidden, it is automatically more desirable. While reading Madame Bovary, I remember getting so exasperated with her, understanding her willingness to risk everything for love but not understanding her concurrent obsession with all things materialistic. Similarly with Wuthering Heights, Heathcliff would drive me mad with his arrogance and refusal to allow anyone in: Catherine herself wasn’t off the hook from my frustration. Her similar arrogance and immaturity vis a vis her true feelings towards Heathcliff made for painful reading at times. All I wanted for these tragic characters was a little happiness and tranquility. Now as an older reader, I appreciate the masterpieces for what they are, brilliant insights into the frailty of human nature and its inner demons.

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