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This week has been a muddled week of pain, sleeplessness and a lot of emotional turmoil. It’s been hard to try to undo certain learned behaviors, this one has been the hardest, not putting others before me. This one had been especially difficult because it goes against every lesson my own mother has taught since toddlerhood, plus I love taking care of people. The other tough lesson has been the one to grit you teeth and bear it, this line of thinking is anathema in cancer land. I may be their worst patient simply because I had been so contrarian about pain management. My doctors, lovely people, all of them, must be so weary trying to convince me as patiently and gently as possible, that taking pain medication is simply a matter of fact part of my daily ritual and there is no judgement. They are, of course, right, I’m sure they are taking their time to explain everything to me because they care and have respect for me, they want me to understand that this pain management is of such utter importance that it is worth not only my time, but their time as well, to engage me into understanding narcotics.  

I am getting tired and I hope I made sense, this narcotics business can get tricky if you get my drift LOL