, , ,

When I was diagnosed, I barely remember the date, it has become so foggy what  with all of the appointments and the deluge of information, I never thought that keeping myself “comfortable” would become a full-time occupation. In between the pain medication, the anxiety medication, the keeping regular medication, making sure that I eat between 60 to 85 grams of protein a day and that I get an uninterrupted night’s sleep, it is a lot to manage. There are days when I feel overwhelmed, not because I am frightened, but because having my body be in constant communication with my brain is too much. It seems everything in my body is at odds with each other and with me and it is a lot to handle 24/7. If it seems that I am complaining, I apologize but I needed to vent, I write daily because it helps me cope, but there are many days when what I write doesn’t reflect my inner turmoil, it reflects how I want to see my day being, full of hope, optimism and happiness, but not what is really going on inside. Usually I don’t mind keeping everything inside, today I choose to write what I feel because it is what is best for me and my psyche; it does a person good to release the pain and the tension.