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I was shocked by the headline on the Huffington Post last night RIP Philip Seymour Hoffman 46 years old. That is my age. It is far and away too young to die, 46. More shocking was the line underneath, drug overdose, I am so saddened to know that drugs took another life.

This tragic loss of a great actor by overdose; to me it just amplifies the mystery of the human psyche. By all accounts, Philip Seymour Hoffman was successful in his craft; creatively and technically, he was a father of three and had a family in New York. I would think that being an accomplished actor means that you are highly empathetic, creative, curious and well read. The dangers of drug use would not be an unknown to someone this intelligent. So why this nonsensical death?

I am aware that everyone has their demons and I know that some people have the blessed life that does not know what addiction is or what it means so they can confront their demons without too much danger, but there are those of us who have the misfortune of having addictive personalities and when the demons make their presence known, we must tread so very lightly. I guess that Philip Seymour Hoffman being one of addictive personality type had warred with his propensities for quite a while, sadly yesterday he lost the war.

I have been thinking about addiction a lot today; my recovery in anorexia isn’t too far divorced from the addictive personality and I have to be mindful of my behavior and my moods. My addiction to cigarettes took me so many years to finally triumph over, but I know that I can never, ever try one cigarette as a lark because that would be the end, all my hard work would go up in smoke, literally.

Philip Seymour Hoffman had been in rehab just this past May, he knew that there was a problem. Unfortunately something within him was seeking an outlet perhaps or something he could not find in his surrounding universe. I don’t understand, when one goes after heroin, one is going after something right at the edge, was that part of the attraction? Dancing with danger might have been the allure, maybe making him feel even more alive by daring the odds. The saddest part is that I would bet a lot on the fact, that on yesterday morning, he never meant for his life to extinguish itself so suddenly. That is the real tragedy, one different choice and he might still be here. But who knows, could it really be that, if it is your time, it’s your time? So if he hadn’t overdosed, he might have been hit by a bus or slipped and hit his head? I hope that it doesn’t work like that, and hopefully others might learn from the tragic choices that Philip Seymour Hoffman made and a few lives will be saved by emphasizing treatment and counseling rather than prison and judgement.

The acting world has lost a tremendous talent and his family and friends have lost their father, son, brother and close friend. It is sad. 😦