Write 500 words on any topic you like. Now remove half the words, without changing the essence of what you’re saying.
I haven’t written much about my challenges with anorexia nervosa, you would think that I would since it is as much a part of me and my mindset as is my need for approval. Eating disorders are so complicated, to describe and to diagnose, unfortunately. No one ever wakes up and says “today I will develop an eating disorder” It is so insidious in the making, it is frightening. I decided after my freshman year of college, where I was utterly miserable away from home in Albany New York, upon transferring to a school close to home that I needed to lose weight. Being the good student that I was, I read about ways to lose weight and exercise was one of the tools, forgoing fat and sugar was another, eating smaller portions and then I found other ways as well. Increasing exercise to several times a day, restricting caloric intake to 1000 calories a day and then the piece de resistance, eating sugarless gum when you are hungry does two things, keeps your mind otherwise occupied from thinking of food since your salivary glands are theoretically at work and the sugar substitute is indigestible so it builds up in your intestines and when you actually eat food, it impedes its digestion and forces it through your system so it becomes an effective diuretic. All of these strategies are what I learned simply by reading health magazines, lack of knowledge and information can be dangerous. What made the information so dangerous is that I didn’t have the knowledge that I was suffering from an eating disorder and that my body image was so beyond warped that I was basically putting my life in danger.I weighed myself on a daily basis and the only thing that registered in my head was that I could lose five more pounds, this continued despite seeing the numbers, 105, 102, 96, 92 and so on. I was at my worst in London where I used to go to Euston Station to weigh myself at the scale, I had to translate stones into pounds and it worked out into 87 pounds. I’m 5 foot 6 so I was perilously skinny and I couldn’t see it. After London I had to go to France to see my family who hadn’t seen me since the summer before when I had weighed 125 pounds, needless to say that they were in complete shock. My tantine immediately took me to the doctor because they were convinced that I was suffering from some type of wasting disease, ironically they were correct, just the wasting disease was psychological, the weight loss was a symptom not the actual disease itself.
Nowadays, I still find myself being dictated to by food and my love/hate relationship with it, am I in danger of a complete relapse? Eight years ago I went through a mini relapse and five years ago was when I almost died from my irresponsible behavior, but I am better now. Writing has helped me so much with dealing with my various afflictions; depression, anxiety and eating. I am much happier these days and I attribute a lot of my peace of mind to writing.
Here with 250 words less:
I haven’t written much about my challenges with anorexia nervosa, you would think that I would since it is as much a part of me and my mindset as is my need for approval. Eating disorders are so complicated, to describe and to diagnose, unfortunately. No one ever wakes up and says “today I will develop an eating disorder” It is so insidious in the making, it is frightening.Lack of knowledge and information can be dangerous. What made the information so dangerous is that I didn’t have the knowledge that I was suffering from an eating disorder and that my body image was so beyond warped that I was basically putting my life in danger.I weighed myself on a daily basis and the only thing that registered in my head was that I could lose five more pounds, this continued despite seeing the numbers, 105, 102, 96, 92 and so on. I was at my worst in London where I used to go to Euston Station to weigh myself at the scale, I had to translate stones into pounds and it worked out into 87 pounds. I’m 5 foot 6 so I was perilously skinny and I couldn’t see it. After London I had to go to France to see my family who hadn’t seen me since the summer before when I had weighed 125 pounds, needless to say that they were in complete shock. My tantine immediately took me to the doctor because they were convinced that I was suffering from some type of wasting disease, ironically they were correct, just the wasting disease was psychological, the weight loss was a symptom not the actual disease itself.
Nowadays, I still find myself being dictated to by food and my love/hate relationship with it. Writing has helped me so much with dealing with my various afflictions; depression, anxiety and eating. I am much happier these days and I attribute a lot of my peace of mind to writing.
Both versions are great in terms of writing but it is the content that really got to me. I have suffered similarly off and on over the years so I really identify with your experience. Glad you are okay now but I know how it can be an ongoing psychological battle.
You are so right, unless you have been through it, it is hard to identify with the ongoing battle especially when if you look at my posts and how I talk about food, most people would say it doesn’t make sense but talking and obsessing over food is a key part of the disorder. I find that one day at a time and writing helps. I’m glad that you have worked through it as well. We share a lot in common.:)
I remember when I was in my 20s living on 3 apples and 1 packet of hubbabubba gum per day for weeks whilst doing 2 aerobics classes per day and working full time – crazy
I hear you, one of the reasons why I didn’t go to law school was that between the anorexia, working full-time and going to school full-time, I was thoroughly burnt out. What we did to ourselves inadvertently had major impacts on us, I am sure.
Well written.
I’m losing weight just now, but it has taken me since mid august to lose 9lb and that’s with the boot camp three times a week! Only another 9lb to go and then I should be done. Might take a while!
Glad you have learned from your troubles. Glad you find writing helps.
I do love your food descriptions though- I think they show a healthy respect for quality food.
Hooray for you. You are doing it exactly the way any respectable doctor would recommend. Losing weight slowly is how it is supposed to be done and it is often how it stays off. I love talking and describing food, it is so much fun. One day at a time. I am so happy for you because you do feel better when you are eating better and exercising. It will pay off in the long run as well with heart and circulatory issues, for women after the mid thirties it is something to think about. I have to be nice to my heart because starving a body for years at a time stresses the heart so I am mindful to keep my blood pumping.:)
I can’t hit Like because this makes me sad. You are such a lovely person, inside and out and I hate to think of you suffering in this way.
You are so sweet to me. I really appreciate it, it’s a strange cross to bear and I try to do my best and still keep smiling and laughing. Having friends like you, though we haven’t officially met yet, helps enormously because it keeps me from scurrying too much away from the world. You keep me engaged and that is very important. :)
And we will meet one day!
hooray :D