Writing for nanowrimo, day one.

Tags

challenge, difficult, fiction, postaday2012, writing

Writing is hard. I should be more specific, when I write everyday either with a prompt or without one, the most difficult thing for me is to find something to write about. Once I find it, be it Jack or the storm or the loss of our beloved Rex, once I start writing to you guys, the words flow and my two fingers type along without a care in the world.

Not so with my book. It feels like the words are being torn out of my head and it is almost painful to type them. It is only fiction, well you can argue it is historical fiction because I have researched the setting of my novel, the gay 1920’s of Paris and prohibition era New York City, but still it is fiction. I have the story in my head, I know that it is a grand love story between my two principal characters, I know where they are going and why. It seems to be the whole emotional aspect that is perhaps difficult for me.

 

Maybe it is because I want to try to get it published that makes me so very apprehensive as I write it? Perhaps I am questioning whether or not it is any good? For how can it be good if it is similar to pulling teeth out of my skull?

I have written 2000 words today, part two of my book. I will not spend everyday bemoaning my insecurities and anxieties, I promise you that. I just needed to vent all of this so that tomorrow I can start writing with less baggage weighing me down. One needs to off load every once in a while. Thank you for listening.

Have you been alone?

Tags

alone, deep sea diving, drowning, lonliness, postaday2012

• Loneliness
• NASA Deep Sea Diving Training

  One instance where I felt truly alone was when I was scuba diving in the Cayman Islands. I was getting my advanced certification and that meant a deep dive designed for the purpose of testing your resistance to Nitrogen and its ill effects on the mind. Our scuba dive master instructed us to make sure that we didn’t descend more then 120 feet and before I knew it, I had sunk to more than 130 feet. At that moment, mind crushing panic set in and I felt alone like there is no other alone, in the dark, cold fathomless depths of the ocean. It was more than crippling fear, it was full on panic. I wasn’t alone for more than a few seconds but it felt far greater than anything else. I was saved and brought back to safety but I will never forget that for as long as I live. Drowning is definitely not the way to go, not that there is one but still, not this way.