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This afternoon, the Doctor of radiology called me to let me know that the pathology results came back benign and I was finished for the time being, all I needed to keep in mind was a follow-up mammogram in six months. I, of course was listening to him on the phone but while my brain was absorbing his words, especially the word benign, I didn’t feel anything right away. The good Doctor did ask about my substantial hematoma caused by the mammogram machine, I’m still purple but it is getting better. I didn’t tell him about the purple bruising, his voice sounded fairly guilty about the poor shape my left breast was in when I had left the Imaging Center. I remember thinking that his voice was very soothing over the phone, it was a good voice to deliver medical news with, very reassuring.
It was after that I had hung up with the doctor that the good news started to sink in, I had almost forgotten about waiting for the results. My mind had been focused almost exclusively on my hubby and how he was doing over in Algeria, that aside from the twinges of pain from the biopsy needle and the itching within my breast, both of which were becoming second nature, I wasn’t waiting for a phone call so when the phone rang, I wasn’t quite prepared for the results, good or bad. Believe me that I am ecstatic that the results are benign, I just feel, in hindsight, that I hadn’t asked quite enough questions or that my responses seemed silly or unprepared.
Anyway that is neither here nor there, all that matters is that the results are negative. I am so relieved, I feel much lighter now than I felt yesterday even if I wasn’t thinking about it. The unknown was weighing on me, making me heavy and slow. I’m sure after a good, restful sleep tonight, I’ll feel more like myself tomorrow. It has been a few weeks that I have had this worry on my mind and it is going to feel very liberating to be without that worry.
laurieanichols 