This morning I woke up thinking of my next door neighbor and her unbearable grief over losing her daughter to a senseless car accident. My mind was going from what can I make for her to eat, that took a bit of time, going through what I had available in my mind and what would good to offer at a time like this, I settled on a pineapple flan,light and easy to digest. During the time that I was figuring out what to make, my mind kept flitting to; what was I going to say to my neighbor?
I was getting distressed because death is sad enough when it is a colleague’s, a friend or a parent, but when it is a child, it goes beyond sadness, there aren’t words that can console or even make sense of the tragedy of a child’s death. My first instinct is always to want to make someone’s pain to go away, whether it be physical or emotional. This morning I didn’t know what to say except for the standard, I’m so sorry and whatever you need just call.
When I knocked on the door, my words deserted me for a moment, my neighbor looked at the dessert and asked what is it? I mumbled it’s pineapple and sugar and good stuff. She took it and put it on the counter. I went to her and said I’m so sorry and we hugged, she cried. She said all she wanted was for her daughter to come back to her. I could only say I know. She then said what she needed to know was that her daughter’s passing had to have a greater meaning. That, her being the only one killed in the car accident, wasn’t for nothing, that God had a higher purpose. She really needed to know this. I did my best to reassure her that her daughter was a bright light and that she was a wonderful mother and that her daughter had been called for something infinitely more special. I’m sure that my words were small comfort, in these circumstances there is nothing to ease the pain.
They say that time heals all wounds but this one I don’t know. I can’t imagine ever recovering from a pain such as my neighbor is feeling right now. This is a nightmare that she can’t wake up from, I did tell her that during these days, that she needed to reach out and accept all the support offered to her from her family and friends. She really needs to lean on others for the immediate future.
Death makes its power known bluntly. It has the power to make you feel small, devastated and alone. It also has the power to make people come together in memory of the person lost. The people who cared for this young girl are coming together to give each other comfort and support.