Nowadays, I know it is time to go when I’m yawning or my brain starts disengaging from the conversation and all I can think about is going home to lay down. Gone are the days when there wasn’t a time to go, when time didn’t really have any meaning. All that mattered was the here and now, a great conversation between friends or someone just met. When personal chemistry was a powerful component in relationships. Those days have been replaced by a husband of many years, two children who occupy my thoughts and heart, pets who need my attention as much as the children do. I am not saying that personal chemistry isn’t important any more, it has just been tempered by a new appreciation for rest and sleep in order to replenish these older bones and brain cells.
I remember the weekends during college when, even though there was work the next day on Sunday at Conran’s-Habitat, my friends and I weren’t worried, we were having too good of a time talking and laughing. By 6:00 in the morning, it was time for breakfast, coffee than shower, get ready for work and off to the store to sell furniture to customers in the village right at Astor Place. A good conversation outweighed the need for sleep in those days. Nowadays, with age comes awareness of my limitations. It isn’t that a good conversation has diminished in value, I just need to have these conversations during the daytime so that I can be awake for them and appreciate them.
Isn’t it amazing what a change two decades makes, physically, emotionally and mentally? Does anyone ever correctly predict how their future will turn out? All the choices, risks and paths taken and somehow you end up where you are, it could be good or it could be disappointing. The question is, were the times spent in putting off leaving the party worth it? I say yes, because without those experiences, good or bad, they make up the who you are now. It is always better to be here than nowhere. As long as you are here, than there is always the possibility of something, anything, be it more of the same or something new. It is up to us to decide, to stay or leave or just be.