I am trying to think of things that I have done, that I was scared of doing and there were a few, but I can’t think of any of those times ending at all any easier. I don’t often get scared, get scared to do new things or go to new places. When I am scared of something, there tends to be a reason for it. I have tried to overcome my fear of roller coasters, I have stopped because after each time I was bent over with my head between my legs.

Scuba diving was another adventure that I was a little scared of doing because I wasn’t sure that I was up to the challenge. It turned out that I was correct in my fear, I struggled like no-one had struggled before, with all aspects of diving, and I am quoting the certified Master diver. I couldn’t descend to the bottom by myself, I had to be carried like a baby in the assistant dive master’s arms. It was so embarrassing. Since I was so thin at the time, I had to wear a weight belt alongside the tank and regulator, getting back in the boat was humiliating because I needed help from both ends to get hoisted back onto the boat. After all that, I actually earned my certification and I was happy that it was over. “Not so fast, missy”. My very good friend and the Master diver, both talked me into continuing to get certified as an advanced diver. My rebuttal to that suggestion was “Are you both crazy, I can barely get under water, I’m not good enough to get an advanced certification.” They wouldn’t take no for an answer, especially my friend because she wanted us to do it together.

One of the next lessons for the course was to dive down to 100 feet and perform easy math exercises on a water-proof board to see if any of us was affected by nitrogen narcosis. It’s when there is a large build up of nitrogen gas in your blood stream and it can impair your judgment. It is a serious thing to always be on the look out for on deep dives. We, (surprise! I actually got down there, with help) got down to 100 feet and were about to commence the math equations when I looked around and saw the assistant diver, who was our look out buddy stationed at 130 feet, who was way above me. That sent me into a panic because I realized that I was sinking and I didn’t know why and how to stop. What happened was that my tanks had been dislodged somehow and were falling off and dragging me down. The Master diver realized that I was in peril and came to my rescue. He took me away, fixed my equipment and swam me gradually up to the surface in several stages so that we wouldn’t have the bends. I almost drowned, it was seriously touch and go for a few minutes. I had a really hard time getting to the assistant diver and he was having trouble holding onto me. After that harrowing experience, I still managed to earn the certification of advanced diver. But, did my initial fear go away even after two weeks of diving, no it did not. I had trepidation before, and I was right to have it. I am not physically made for scuba diving. It took a lot out of me. Would I do it again, no I wouldn’t.

I have learned through the years that I should simply listen to my instincts because I do know myself best and what I am capable of. I am adventurous enough that I don’t need to go looking for more things that make me uncomfortable or seriously frightened. All my experiences doing that, haven’t given me the positive outcome that most would hope for. So I am done. There are too many things to do that I really like doing and those things can always find a new expression so that it doesn’t get old.