This is a difficult question to for me to answer. In recent years my memory has slowly deteriorated. I’ll remember the oddest things and forget an important conversation. There appears to be no rhyme or reason to this affliction, I must admit it does worry me for the future but what am I to do. Let it dominate my life? This is something that I will be struggling with for a while however, I am getting off topic.
My best accomplishment this year is continuing my journey in sobriety and dealing with my eating disorder. This year on November 1st marks my third year of sober living and cigarette free. I am proud of this yet, admittedly, keeping my sobriety is much easier to handle than dealing with my eating disorder, that is my albatross. This year has been a outrageously stressful one; the continuing economic downturn, the deaths of two of my dogs within two weeks of each other, one to old age and the other to cancer, the rapidly deteriorating health of my mother in law and her two animals, an old diabetic cat and a lame old horse and becoming their care taker, the subsequent passing of my mother in law while being left with the responsibility of those two pets, my son’s automobile accident where he emerged with out a scratch, the car wasn’t as fortunate and lastly my daughter being diagnosed with an ovarian cyst which rears it’s ugly head from time to time to remind us of it’s presence. Throughout all these stresses, the vision of me drinking a beer or lighting up a Marlboro light would appear in my dreams quite often and boy were they real sometimes, but I am grateful that those visions stayed in my dreams and never plagued me during the light of day. My eating disorder, anorexia, didn’t grant me the same kindness. It feels like something hard wired to my brain and pyshe that I can’t even envision being without it. Anorexia informs everything about me though I now have the weight more or less under control. Who am I kidding, what I really mean is that I am now a “healthy” weight: 130lbs for a height of 5’6. Is it under control? Not really, I am disciplined about my exercise regimen but when I give my self 2 days off; I don’t feel right, I feel guilty and down on myself. I think of food all the time, I plan what I eat or if I am having a bad day I act out with food. But even with all this junk of garbage running through my brain, I still eat to live, I care about what I put in my body and I work very hard to make the right choices for me one day at a time.That is all I can do and to me that is my greatest accomplishment for 2010. If this is the same next year, I will still be proud. Life is worth it.